BUCHAREST, RO — Security guards at the American International School of Bucharest (AISB) have launched a school-wide investigation after an air pump was stolen from the P.E. department yesterday morning.

The pump is the only one in possession of the school, and its absence means that any future CEESA events held at AISB must be canceled.

David Hughes, the Physical Education Director, came to us in tears. “Without that pump, CEESA can’t be hosted here,” he wailed. Hughes then added, “What kind of monster would do this?”

In an emergency press conference hosted late last night, Kathy Stenson, the Executive Director of CEESA, announced, “It’s with a heavy heart that I must inform you all that the American International School of Bucharest will not be hosting CEESA this year.”

Mr. Luke Scholtes’ science classes, who are notoriously known for using air pumps in their experiments, are the prime suspects of the investigation. They have already been questioned thoroughly, yet to no avail.

With our soccer balls and hopes deflated, it is imperative that the criminal(s) be found. A 1,000 lei bounty has been placed on the pump, and a 2,000 lei bounty on the thief–wanted dead or alive. The criminal act of air pump thievery is punishable from 5 to 10 years in prison.

If you find the air pump or the criminal responsible, please email David Hughes at dhughes@goaisb.ro.